Well, Fudge. She Learned the F-Word
Maria announced, quite proudly:
“I know The F-Word!”
“Really? What’s the F-Word?”
“You know the F-Word, Mama.”
“Fun, fudge, flip?”
“Mamaaaaahhhh.”
“OK, why don’t you tell me what you think the F-Word is?”
“It’s a bad word.”
“It’s OK. You’re not in trouble, I just want to make sure we’re talking about the same F-Word.”
And then she said it, with the right frustrated emphasis on the “CK!” Grown up yuck from my little innocent’s mouth.
“Yup, that’s an F-Word, alright.”
Apparently, a classmate who does not enjoy doing a certain type of work told her that she likes to say The F-Word when she does this particular task.
Maria also told me she learned Ass and Damn, but I am not sure those gems came from the same classmate.
I am just feeling a little bit grateful she didn’t learn the F-Word from me. I have been known to say it a little bit and the Cubans I come from have bocas sucias. So, getting to nearly 8 and just learning the F-Word is a good example of our self-restraint. (I’m claiming that as parental victory, OK?)
So, her father and I had a talk with her about the use of her new words. We asked her not to say them because they’re not polite, and please, don’t teach them to any other kids. We especially emphasized we don’t want to get a call from school should she get caught dropping F-Bombs.
Words can hurt, she said.
Yes, they can, we said.
We also told her her friends will tell her a lot of things, things they will encourage her not to tell us. We told her some of the stuff will be wrong, that she can come to us for fact checking with no worries.
I had flashbacks to the neighbor girl who, when I was 8, told me where a man puts his penis to make a baby with a woman. I thought she was talking about the urethra. The fear that image struck in me…ay, I can’t even tell you. I never asked my mom about it. I shudder to think my kid is going to get that kind of wrong information.
The F-Word episode was funny and surprising. And sad, too. More examples of the beginning of innocence lost. I have an image of myself pushing away all the hard stuff, the ugly stuff, the mean stuff, away from her. A futile, and perhaps misguided, attempt.
But maybe this is what life is about. We lose our innocence in little bits — and maybe some of us in huge chunks – and our work is to regain it, to get back to seeing and living as a child does.
I don’t know.
But, it is fascinating to watch it all unfold.
I only pray to survive her growing up without dropping a few F-Bombs of my own.
Ahhh that day when they realize it’s a bad word. You guys handled it so well! We’re also lucky she’s not going around saying bad words – she hears enough of them from us, though we do try our best, but they slip.
Melanie Edwards – Ella Media & ModernMami.com´s last essay ..Latina Avon Representative Builds Successful Home-Based Business
Ah, gracias!
It is hard not to slip…so hard.
When I shared this on my private Facebook, it was funny to read how friend’s have dealt with their own kids and bad words…It is inevitable they learn them.
The loss of innocence. sigh. I think you both handled the situation (and adviced her) very well. If only children could stay innocent longer, I feel they grow up so very fast.
They grow up too fast. I imagine our own parents saying that.
My daughter gave me the finger the other day, but only because she had a boo boo on it. I love that you told her you wouldn’t get mad and you didn’t. F@ck it’s hard to be a parent.
Unknown Mami´s last essay ..B of A Damage Control
Totally F@cking hard!
xo
Ay, Mama! I hope that by the time I have kids, I’ve learned enough from you and a few other close friends on how to parent gracefully. I still remember the first time I said the F-word after I learned it at school… I got a big mouthful of liquid Dial soap! LIQUID! So much worse a punishment than bar soap.
Maura at The Other Side of The Tortilla´s last essay ..Celebrating Día de Los Muertos
You are too kind…I try to be graceful. I am not always, but the goal is to try.
Liquid Dial! I am so, so sorry!
Carrie, I’m learning a lot of from you! You seem to handle things well where I tend to over react sometimes.
Mercedes @BeChicMag´s last essay ..Start Your Day With a Makeover at Latism
Mercedes, people smarter than I told me long ago that a goal in parenting was to not let them see you sweat. I try!
You’ll be great one day.
xo
So sad how fast they grow up and how much pressures there is to grow up. I love this story in a sad it reminds me of how just big my girls are getting. You are talented writer beba!
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Gracias! High praise coming from you!
You tell your adorable blonde Cuban girls that Tia Carrie says hi!
Hi Carrie,
You know our daughters are close in age, so this time I could not stop to share this. My daughter told me the other day that she learned a bad word. It took a lot of perseverance, so she shares it, and the word was stupid, I was so concerned. Of course now I am expecting more.
By the way we are from Gibara, Holguin and If I am not wrong your family is from Banes. First time I comment, but always love your post.
Alicia, thank you for making my day! I love when lurkers comment!
Words like Stupid sound so ugly in little mouths, don’t they? I try, try, try to keep words positive and never talk badly about people, but they do hear that stuff at school. Vamos a ver lo que pasa. Hard to keep the ugly away.
Yes, my family is from Banes, so maybe we’re related. I know we have roots in Holguin too.
xo
As always, you are so nice.
You know that most of the times that you share something about your daughter, the same thing is happening us at the time. I remember your post about “morirse”, Gaby was so scared about that, too. It was conforting to hear other ways to handle that. We live in Oregon, no to many cubans/latinos around.
Ay, mama!
You handled the situation with such grace. It breaks my heart to watch innocence break off in pieces. Maria is lucky that you are present for her in these moments.
Besos,
Marta
Claim that parental victory amiga! It is well deserved. And I like the way you explained it to her. Back in the day, that would have gotten the chancla for sure (at least that’s what my mother would have done).
I actually have an F-bomb post in draft. I’ve just been shy about posting…maybe next week. Because it really is one of my favorite words – I am totally a boca sucia. ;)
Lady, you handled this situation so well! If i had a daughter or son and they came home with this same scenario, well, I don’t know if i could have handled it with your patience. Thank you for a great read!
Jenny @simmerandsteam´s last essay ..Fahrenheit Red Lentil Soup
You’re making me stress out. After I read things like this, I’m so glad I homeschool even though I know that doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference since they participate in so many extra-curricular activities and come into contact with so many other kids. I think I will cry when the day finally comes and I find out that my sweet children have have lost a little bit of the sweetness.
*Sigh*
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I guess I look at this as a learning experience for you and your child. I watch my daughter with her children and I see her being way more patient and wise than I remember being with my kids altho my memory is probably skewed. Good for you for handling her growing up with so much grace.
“Words can hurt, she said. Yes, they can, we said.” I love that she knows this instinctively, so basic and yet look around and see how adults are constantly using fighting words which have devastating consequences: anchor baby, the n word. I’ve said–and have written extensively–that it’s not about being politically correct. It’s about learning decency, respect, and compassion toward others and difference at home. Seems your muñeca is off to a good start!