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		<link>http://bilingualintheboonies.com/2011/12/16/the-why-of-my-only-child/</link>
		<comments>http://bilingualintheboonies.com/2011/12/16/the-why-of-my-only-child/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 16 Dec 2011 22:03:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Carrie</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Mi Familia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://bilingualintheboonies.com/?p=1835</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Please don't call me Selfish I discovered a great essay by Susan Newman over at Babble that made me think a lot -- again -- about being the mother of An Only Child. The title was “Is it Selfish to Have One Child?” Selfish? Que-Que? The idea of being labeled selfish stopped me, made me [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="http://bilingualintheboonies.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/6522658873_18e04c458f.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1838" title="6522658873_18e04c458f" src="http://bilingualintheboonies.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/6522658873_18e04c458f.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a>
<h2>Please don't call me Selfish</h2>
I discovered a great essay by <strong>Susan Newman</strong> over at <strong>Babble</strong> that made me think a lot -- again -- about being the mother of An Only Child. The title was <em><a href="http://www.babble.com/baby/baby-care/only-child-selfish/" target="_blank">“Is it Selfish to Have One Child?”</a></em>

Selfish? Que-Que?

The idea of being labeled selfish stopped me, made me read, made me share with friends via Facebook. (Lots of feedback there on that one...)

I’ve never thought of myself, other moms of Onlys, or the childless by choice selfish. If anything, those of us in this category by design (because not everyone picks this box by choice) have made a conscious choice to have an Only child.

I imagine some have thought of me as selfish, or pitiful, or sad, or something.

But, here’s the story. I feel like sharing it. Maybe just to add to the record and chant that the families we've created, small in size, are big and wondrous and wonderful in their own way.

I didn’t really ever know how many children I wanted. But, I remember being very young and in love and planning a marriage and dreaming up the names of two future girls.

And then I married someone else and I went into it knowing it was possible there would be no girls with ringlets and solid English names. The man I married wasn’t sure he ever wanted children, but eight years in, he agreed to having one child.

I took the bargain.

And then, to my great shock, I had to poke my belly with drugs and suffer indignities under florescent light just to conceive.

I prayed to la virgencita that the drugs and ovaries swollen with multiple ripe follicles would send me twins.

God sent me one perfect daughter, instead.

After Maria was born -- in the 10th year of my marriage -- my spirit grew calmer, settled, complete. The person I had been missing had arrived and I was going to enjoy every minute. Mostly, I have. (Just being honest here...)

I have been asked many times when we were going to have a second child. I don't think my husband got asked as much. I have been asked if I feel badly about not having more children. I always say I do, a little. But, I offer up my age (now 44) and explain that infertility treatment isn’t something I plan to go back to. Plus, we’ve aged out of adoption options, as my husband is much older.

End of story.
<h2>No Pity, Please</h2>
It shocks me to think  a stranger who doesn't know my story, or friend who does, would think me selfish, or pity me, for having an Only. Not to mention pity my happy, healthy, delightful daughter. Those of us with Onlys don’t merit pity, I promise you.

And listen, if someone says they were too selfish to have children, or have more than one, freaking applaud them. Applaud their ass for being honest and self-aware.

Deciding to get pregnant requires commitment, plus even more commitment after the kid gets here. We all know these kids are not a daily, happy, fabulous, miraculous stroll in the park. If you start out the relationship iffy, well then, who knows if you’ll ever be in with both feet? Pity the child then.

And, we could say that having four or six or seven or 20 is selfish, right? Tables always can be turned.
<h2>Embracing the Choice</h2>
Let me tell you how any uncertainly about having an Only went away.

When a friend was struggling to have a second child, I asked her why she kept trying despite the hardship.

"Our family does not feel complete," she said.

I looked at my trio and realized it was complete.

I missed no one.

I longed for no one.

My peace over having Just One really settled in.

And, my friend had her second...hurrah.

It all works out.

The moral of this story: Don’t judge.]]></content:encoded>
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		<link>http://bilingualintheboonies.com/2011/11/07/well-fudge-she-learned-the-f-word/</link>
		<comments>http://bilingualintheboonies.com/2011/11/07/well-fudge-she-learned-the-f-word/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:56:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Carrie</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[La Nena]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://bilingualintheboonies.com/?p=1816</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Maria announced, quite proudly: “I know The F-Word!” “Really? What’s the F-Word?” “You know the F-Word, Mama.” “Fun, fudge, flip?” “Mamaaaaahhhh.” “OK, why don’t you tell me what you think the F-Word is?” “It’s a bad word.” “It’s OK. You’re not in trouble, I just want to make sure we’re talking about the same F-Word.” [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[Maria announced, quite proudly:

“I know The F-Word!”

“Really? What’s the F-Word?”

“You know the F-Word, Mama.”

“Fun, fudge, flip?”

“Mamaaaaahhhh.”

“OK, why don’t you tell me what you think the F-Word is?”

“It’s a bad word.”

“It’s OK. You’re not in trouble, I just want to make sure we’re talking about the same F-Word.”

And then she said it, with the right frustrated emphasis on the “CK!” Grown up yuck from my little innocent’s mouth.

“Yup, that’s an F-Word, alright.”

Apparently, a classmate who does not enjoy doing a certain type of work told her that she likes to say The F-Word when she does this particular task.

Maria also told me she learned Ass and Damn, but I am not sure those gems came from the same classmate.

I am just feeling a little bit grateful she didn’t learn the F-Word from me. I have been known to say it a little bit and the Cubans I come from have bocas sucias. So, getting to nearly 8 and just learning the F-Word is a good example of our self-restraint. (I’m claiming that as parental victory, OK?)

So, her father and I had a talk with her about the use of her new words. We asked her not to say them because they’re not polite, and please, don’t teach them to any other kids. We especially emphasized we don’t want to get a call from school should she get caught dropping F-Bombs.

Words can hurt, she said.

Yes, they can, we said.

We also told her her friends will tell her a lot of things, things they will encourage her not to tell us. We told her some of the stuff will be wrong, that she can come to us for fact checking with no worries.

I had flashbacks to the neighbor girl who, when I was 8, told me where a man puts his penis to make a baby with a woman. I thought she was talking about the urethra. The fear that image struck in me...ay, I can’t even tell you. I never asked my mom about it. I shudder to think my kid is going to get that kind of wrong information.

The F-Word episode was funny and surprising. And sad, too. More examples of the beginning of innocence lost. I have an image of myself pushing away all the hard stuff, the ugly stuff, the mean stuff, away from her. A futile, and perhaps misguided, attempt.

But maybe this is what life is about. We lose our innocence in little bits -- and maybe some of us in huge chunks - and our work is to regain it, to get back to seeing and living as a child does.

I don’t know.

But, it is fascinating to watch it all unfold.

I only pray to survive her growing up without dropping a few F-Bombs of my own.]]></content:encoded>
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		<link>http://bilingualintheboonies.com/2011/09/15/dear-alison-krauss/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 15 Sep 2011 08:00:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Carrie</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Boonie Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[La Nena]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://bilingualintheboonies.com/?p=1779</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[...meet your future mandolin player. She can kind of play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. And tune the thing. Get ready. So yes, city folk, we're taking mandolin lessons around here. Even I grab the lovely piece and hit it some. La Nena also is taking two other classes after school. That's three extra-curricular activities...There are [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<img style="display: block; margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto;" src="http://bilingualintheboonies.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/wpid-1315429237823.jpg" alt="image" width="450" height="325" />

...meet your future mandolin player.

She can kind of play <em>Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.</em>
And tune the thing.
Get ready.

So yes, city folk, we're taking mandolin lessons around here. Even I grab the lovely piece and hit it some.

La Nena also is taking two other classes after school.

That's three extra-curricular activities...There are a couple others she used to do regularly that we have not returned to because, well, five just seems like much doesn't it? (We added two and got rid of two, basically.)

I had a rule that we'd only focus on one extra-curricular a semester.

Ha.

That lasted until last year.

There is a parental push to give, to expose, to share the world so she can take bites of it and decide what she likes.

I get it now.

I didn't then.

Taste the whole wide world,  my girl.

It is yours to discover.

And Alison Krauss, see you at the Opry.

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		<pubDate>Sun, 05 Sep 2010 20:17:51 +0000</pubDate>
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		<link>http://bilingualintheboonies.com/2010/02/25/abuelito-of-the-year/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:46:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Carrie</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Mi Familia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Video]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://bilingualintheboonies.com/?p=1428</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I am reposting this video, which got all kinds of love this week on the Tiki Tiki, so that anybody who pops over here from the Spanglishbaby Blogging Carnival sees an update on the abuelito. The post I contributed to the carnival is from 2007...and not much has changed, purchase Micardis online no prescription. Where [...]]]></description>
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<p>I am reposting this video, which got all kinds of love this week on the <a href="http://tikitikiblog.com/papi-plays/" target="_blank">Tiki Tiki</a>, so that anybody who pops over here from the Spanglishbaby <a href="http://www.spanglishbaby.com/2010/02/were-not-alone/" target="_blank">Blogging Carnival</a> sees an update on the abuelito. The <a href="http://bilingualintheboonies.com/2007/08/21/learning-to-espick-espanish-2/" target="_blank">post</a> I contributed to the carnival is from 2007...and not much has changed, <b>purchase Micardis online no prescription</b>.  <b>Where to buy Micardis</b>, My father continues to delight and offer unique lessons.</p>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:42:00 +0000</pubDate>
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