The Thing About 45
A woman of 45
I don’t go anywhere now without first checking my chin.
There are tweezers everywhere — in my kitchen, in my car, in my makeup bag, in my bathroom drawer.
Ya tu sabes.
Less than a month before 45, I find myself wondering how in the hell this happened. I know it is not an original thought, this whatthehell? And I cannot express my feelings about aging any better than Nora Ephron, ala why didn’t I wear a bikini, as she instructed, everyday between the ages of 26 and 34? And, I suddenly so get the neck thing.
But, allow me time to seek public therapy and do a little soap-boxing.
In my head, the age is around 24. If I were smarter, I’d focus on staying 38 in spirit, an age I believe was my peak for beauty and smarts. But, my waist was much smaller at 24, so there you have it, I guess. And really, 24 was, like, yesterday. Yesterday!
There aren’t many wrinkles on my face (thank you, Cuban DNA), but the fact I feel like napping every afternoon when I get home from work is a bit of a clue that things are changing. That, and my new, scary obsession with juicing and “well-living” documentaries on Netflix.
But the biggest clue: I gladly and greedily took an expensive Swiss neck cream and $99 anti-aging snail slime given to me by a cousin who sells cosmeceuticals. When I got home with my loot, I thought, shit, when did I become the woman who puts $99 snail slime on her face? ( Haven’t used the slime yet, so no testimonial. But the neck cream on the face is el fabuloso.)
I could talk on and on about how I believe my metabolism has betrayed me, how I try not to look at my own behind, and how often I say Amens for brassieres that minimize back fat. And embarrassing confession: I have, indeed, gotten a little wistful glancing at stylish, slender young women. I want a tee shirt: “I was hot once, too.”
But, here’s the thing, the fabulous bitch of it all: I didn’t expect to like 45. Society tells me I am supposed to fight against it, minimize and deny my years. Well, pal’ carajo to that.
There is great freedom and peace in knowing you have walked through rubble toward more stable ground, and survived. And that you can do it again and again should you have to.
There is liberty in knowing that no choice is a wrong choice, just a chance to figure it all out again. Deliverance in knowing that fear is bullshit and limitations are often of your own making. Hallelujah in absolute knowing that everything plays out as it should, and your only responsibility in this divine mess is to take the next right step.
In recent years, too many friends have been ill with life-threatening diseases. My parents have had health scares. Young people in our lives have unexpectedly died. All, experiences that throw your own mortality in your face.
Life is precious and fleeting and not meant to be semi-lived. No $99 cream can deliver that gut-knowing.
45 has taught me life is to be played out big and boldly, and with a sharp pair of tweezers.
It's all good.
You look absolutely amazing! I turned 41 last Saturday & I feel pretty depressed about being 40+. The worst part is that I don’t use ANY kind of creams, not even moisturizer, I never have (only sunscreen at the beach or pool)… I know, my bad. Even my mom — who never used much of anything until she started using a Payot cream that her friend forgot at her house when she was 40 something.
anyway… I hope I can feel as confident as you do at 45. Thanks for sharing your musings!
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Lilian, don’t be depressed! 40 + is fabulous…but, nena, get some moisturizer…Good stuff. Stuff that makes you inhale deeply and makes you feel nourished and kind to yourself when you put it on. It’s a good thing!
And, of course, if I can get these extra pounds off me, I’ll feel even more confident!
Best!
As for the first part of your post, I’m 33 but I already empathize with the majority of this,(Carlos has promised me that as I get older and my eyesight fails me, he will help me spot the chin hairs. Romantic, sí?)
And regarding the second part of your post, I’ll be taking some of this wisdom and tucking it in my pocket. Hopefully I can learn these lessons early.
Very romantic, indeed, Tracy!
I promise, we only get bolder…and better.
Don’t believe those who tell us we don’t.
Great post. Be sure to read Nora Ephron’s piece, “I Remember Nothing.” It’s what happens AFTER you quit hating your neck and start worrying about your mind. Then again I think about my mother dying at 50, and I refuse to obsess about anything expect being happy and enjoying a life that is free of pain, filled with wonderful people and things. (And yet: Who knew that your boobs would start growing again? I have shrunk down to 4-11 — from a proud 4-11 and 3/4 — but my boobs have a life of their own. I finally understand that old joke … Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back…..?)
thank you, Cindy!
I am not looking forward to shrinking…or bigger boobs! LOL
Well, I didn’t know you at 24, but I think you are gorgeous at 45. Myself? I am a firm believer in no sun and, to quote my sister, “moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!”
Girlfriend, you are so kind…gracias!
We should all wish to have your skin!
Carrie, you’re gorgeous. I love this post. And seriously, you don’t look a day past 30.
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45!!!! Carrie I wanna be like you when i grow up lol I could have easily said 35 Fantastic amiga!
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Your beautiful! And what 45? You do not look it. I am feeling the same way. At the end of this month I turn 34 and am feeling so 3-4. But remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder!! And Latinas are Hot by Nature! It’s in our genes!
1. Happy birthday!!
2. You look absolutley amazing.
3. I need the name of that snail slime moisturizer, please.
:D
Haha…great post Carrie! I’m sure 45 is fabulous, even with the drawbacks. Everyone talks so much about age being a bad thing, but I love that with each passing year, we truly understand and appreciate ourselves that much more. I love being 30…and I love having the brain and experience of a 30 year old. Congrats on 45 Carrie! :)
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You are sooooo beautiful….I’m sure 45 will fit as good as 24 did. You’re right…. Celebrate and embrace it all… even the tweezers. :)
Love you and all your years of wisdom and experience. I’m 41 and you know what? It’s a’ight!
Here’s to becoming awesome viejitas with much to share!
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que bold and beautiful. i’m afraid i’ll be like my father: afraid to age and not deal with it so well. In my mind, I’m still 22: I was young, madly in love, traveling the world with the man I was madly in love with, worked out like an Olympian and really enjoyed my life. I want that back. I want it at 45, 65 and 80! Why not? I was recently visiting a Cuban friend’s girlfriend — una gringa de 58 años — whose bookshelves were full of “get young” “stay young” books! I was shocked! I want to pull her hair and tell her to enjoy her life and stop trying to compete with the 30 and 40 yr olds! But then again, tiene un mango entremano que tiene 40! Imaginate! Keep them tweezers close!
I loved reading this. I’m in my mind I’m still 21 and I feel like my whole life is ahead of me and when I sit back and realize that I’m not, I feel like I’m so behind everyone else. I feel like I’m being left behind, but I’m not competing with anyone! It’s a whirlwind of feelings. Thinking of just letting go of age and being age-less.
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Love this! You look beautiful. I was like what … 45! Nooo. You look like your in your 30s. I hope your future posts will be how to age gracefully.
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I personally think you are beautiful inside and out and you just made me look forward to my 40′s a little bit more. And you’re so right. I need to focus on enjoying the “ahora” the now because tomorrow isn’t promised. Mental note to self: stock up on snail cream :-P
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What a great post! When I was 18, I covered up my two piece and I was skinny minny. Now at 35, I realize this may be as good as it gets, for now at least. We need to love our bodies at any age and live in the moment, (with tweezers in hand!). Lol
Ladies, perhaps I should do posts that fish for compliments more often!
Thank you..in spirit I respond to each of you directly and tell you that you’re smart, fabulous and forever hot.
Life is good no.matter.what…
Happy Birthday to Me!
And thank you for making my day here.
¡Happy, happy and feliz cumpleaños! I envy your grace and peace. I’ve been fighting aging with everything I’ve got: lotions and potions, good nutrition, I’ve never been a drinker but only one glass of vino a night, trying to sleep well, and honey, lunges, squats, and arm weights. I guess I’m going down in flames!